Discontinue viewing of this Web Site if any of the following occurs:
If this begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.
- Tingling in extremities
- Loss of balance or coordination
- Slurred speech
- Temporary blindness
- Profuse sweating
- Heart palpitations
This site may stick to certain types of skin.
When not in use, This Site should be returned to its special container and
kept under refrigeration...
Failure to do so relieves the makers of this site, Bob Kerr Incorporated, and
its parent company Bob Kerr Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.
Ingredients of this site include an unknown glowing substance which fell to
Earth, presumably from outer space.
This site has been shipped to our troops in Afghanistan and is also being
dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
Do not taunt this site.
This site comes with a lifetime guarantee.
ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!
*All clauses of this disclaimer apply to the disclaimer itself, except
for this first sentence. All other disclaimers that may be found on this site,
or sites linked to herein, are obviously subsets of this disclaimer, invalid,
illegal, or fattening. All maintain information, HTML tags, photographs,
artwork, text, opinions, ideas, facts or factoids contained in this site are
either my own, and therefore are Copyright ©1997-2003 by Bob Kerr, or duly
licensed from and/or attributed to the writers, owners or copyright holders, or
in good faith presumed to be in the public domain; however, you're free to copy,
reproduce, expand, excerpt or adapt this disclaimer to your own purposes, at
your own risk, as long as you assume all responsibility for doing so. All
products, brands and company names mentioned are trademarks or trade names of
the respective companies and you should mentally insert the appropriate TM, ®,
© or whatever wherever appropriate. Any links to external sites and any
comments about the contents thereof should not be construed as either
endorsement or disapproval of such contents, even if such comments overtly
purport to do so. E-mail me if you have
detected a demonstrable copyright violation. 90% of all cited statistics may
have been made up on the spot. Before entering this site be sure to make at
least two back-up copies of your mind and other important data on other media to
protect against data loss. Brains sold separately. Use, duplication, disclosure
or ritual exorcism of this information by the Government (any Government) is
subject to the restrictions of physical laws. There is no conscious attempt made
nor desire extant to libel or otherwise cause malicious damage, loss, public
contempt, defamation, slander, blasphemy, treason, sedition, or ridicule to
persons of any gender or even none, cabals, corporations, governments,
institutions, corporations, or assemblies of inanimate objects, alien life
forms, microorganisms, clergy, vegetables, animals, or any collections thereof.
No representation whatsoever is made as to the accuracy, political correctness,
spelling, syntax, semantics, content or meaning of the graphics, text or
downloadable files on this site, or of suitability for use or quoting elsewhere
or for any other particular porpoise. As far as I'm concerned all information
herein consists solely of sequences of zeroes and ones, being presented as
either a satire or a parody of other sequences of zeroes and ones (or even of
ones and zeroes) and neither I nor my service provider can be held responsible
for any further interpretation, guesstimate, translation, exegesis,
deconstruction, mimetic emission or absorption, catalysis, transmogrification,
alteration or forgery of such sequences made by either your hardware, software
or wetware, or by any intervening data communications channel, even if
previously advised of such a possibility. Any actions you take based on whatever
you saw, or think you saw, on this site are entirely your own responsibility, so
there! This site is directed at reasonably mature people of any age and if
you're not among them, life will be tough. Off-site links will usually open in a
new window to emphasize that I'm even less responsible for their content. Since
all of the Internet's web pages are interlinked you will sooner than later come
to what you may consider a silly, stupid, obscene or otherwise offensive site.
Don't say I didn't warn you! All electrons, protons, neutrons or other
sub-atomic particles, or agglomerations thereof, have been recycled and none
have been knowingly harmed in preparing this site. All quantum fields and/or
state vectors related to this site may spontaneously collapse, decompose, and/or
go all whammer-jammer, as soon as you look at them, and I can't do anything
about it. You may have some rights not detailed in this disclaimer but don't bet
on it. This site (except for a few exceptions which are clearly marked) contains
"cookies", and requires no particular plug-ins or software to view at
your side, as long as you have a reasonably recent graphic browser which
supports tables. You should know where to download one from, anyway. Reading a
disclaimer like this all the way to the end may have caused irreversible but not
necessarily malign changes to your neural whatchamacallits. To have the secret
second part of this disclaimer transmitted to you over a telepathic tight-beam
channel (at 300 bauds nominal, odd parity), bury a signed non-disclosure
agreement and exact in consecutively numbered three-dollar bills in your
backyard and stand by for further instructions.
- This web site for recreational use only.
- Site may be too intense for some viewers.
- Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages
resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform.
- The site does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my
company, my friends, or my dog.
- Don't quote me on that; Don't quote me on anything.
- Smoking this website could be hazardous to your health; the best
safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom.
- All rights reserved; you may distribute this web site freely but you may
not make a profit from it; terms are subject to change without notice;
illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail.
- Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and
- Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law.
- Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or
- Your mileage may vary.
- No substitutions allowed.
- For a limited time only.
- This web site is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted.
- This site is provided "as is" without any warranties; viewer
assumes full responsibility.
- An equal opportunity site.
- No shoes, no shirt, no service.
- Quantities are limited while supplies last.
- If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to view them yourself, but
return to an authorized service center; read at your own risk; parental discretion
advised, text may contain explicit materials some readers may find
- Keep away from sunlight; keep away from OJ; keep away from pets and small
- Limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you
need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included;
instructions are included; action figures sold separately.
- No preservatives added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be required
during use; sealed for your protection, do not view if safety seal is broken.
- Call before you dig; not liable for damages arising from use or misuse;
for external use only; if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops,
- View only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in
a cool dry place; keep away from open flames; avoid contact with eyes and
skin and avoid inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above
120 degrees Fahrenheit.
- Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source.
- No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added; if ingested, do not
induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a physician.
- Site is ribbed for your pleasure; possible penalties for early withdrawal.
- offer valid only at participating sites; allow four to six weeks for
delivery; must be 18 to read.
- Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado,
tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, and other Acts of God,
neglect, damage from improper viewing, incorrect line voltage, improper or
unauthorized viewing, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered
serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom
vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and
incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor
vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken
glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be
limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm,
torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives,
switchblades, stones, etc.).
- Other restrictions may apply. This product is meant for educational
purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely
- Void where prohibited.
- Some assembly required.
- List each check separately by bank number.
- Batteries not included.
- Contents may settle during shipment.
- Use only as directed.
- No other warranty expressed or implied.
- Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.
- Postage will be paid by addressee.
- Subject to approval.
- This is not an offer to sell securities.
- Apply only to affected area.
- Do not stamp.
- Use other side for additional listings.
- Do not disturb.
- All models over 18 years of age.
- If condition persists, consult your physician.
- No user-serviceable parts inside.
- Freshest if eaten before date on carton.
- Subject to change without notice.
- Times are approximate.
- Simulated picture.
- No postage necessary if mailed in the United States.
- Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement.
- For off-road use only.
- As seen on TV.
- One size fits all.
- Many suitcases look alike.
- Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients.
- Colors may, in time, fade.
- We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you.
- Slippery when wet.
- For office use only.
- Not affiliated with the American Red Cross.
- Drop in any mailbox.
- Edited for television.
- Keep cool; process promptly.
- Post office will not deliver without postage.
- List was current at time of printing.
- Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward.
- At participating locations only.
- Not the Beatles.
- Penalty for private use.
- See label for sequence.
- Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.
- Do not write below this line.
- Falling rock zone.
- Lost ticket pays maximum rate.
- Your cancelled check is your receipt.
- Add toner.
- Place stamp here.
- Avoid contact with skin. S
- anitized for your protection.
- Be sure each item is properly endorsed.
- Sign here without admitting guilt.
- Slightly higher west of the Mississippi.
- Employees and their families are not eligible.
- Beware of dog.
- Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show.
- Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery.
- You must be present to win.
- No passes accepted for this engagement.
- No purchase necessary.
- Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton.
- Shading within a garment may occur.
- Use only in well-ventilated area.
- Keep away from fire or flame.
- Replace with same type.
- Approved for veterans.
- Booths for two or more.
- Check here if tax deductible.
- Some equipment shown is optional.
- Price does not include taxes.
- No Canadian coins.
- Not recommended for children.
- Prerecorded for this time zone.
- Reproduction strictly prohibited.
- No solicitors.
- No alcohol, dogs, or horses.
- No anchovies unless otherwise specified.
- Restaurant package, not for resale.
- List at least two alternate dates.
- First pull up, then pull down.
- Call toll free before digging.
- Driver does not carry cash.
- Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification
- Record additional transactions on back of previous stub.
- Decision of the judges (Bob) is final.
* As if you couldn't guess, I got this not quite
verbatim from somewhere else on the net. The Illegibly copied title wasn't even
in my handwriting, even though my handwriting is defined by its illegibility.
Isn't this great! I've put my own disclaimer on my disclaimer page regarding my
disclaimer! Please don't hit me!